Wednesday, November 28, 2007

feeling like I failed...

Am I the only one that is over whelmed with this... and now am feeling like a failure since my last block I finished was August.. I think I took on to big of a block to do each month with the other art items I need to do... Now, I don't know if I can catch up... I don't want to quit, that is just not a part of my makeup... it is just overwhelming and I feel like I am letting everyone down...
Is anyone else with me like this... and what are you doing about it... Is changing my size and shape to a smaller venue and starting all over, is that the way to go...
help!

19 comments:

abeadlady said...

Sammy,
As Robin has said in the past, if what you are doing now is not working for you, change it. We have a whole year to complete this work. Don't beat yourself up because life is happening to you. I know your work and how important it is to you. Give yourself a break, dearheart. Most of all, remember, you are not and never will be a failure.
Arline

Barb said...

Don't get discouraged! I'm back there with you!! I chose a size that was bigger than I can easily do in a month, too, but I've "adapted, by making the page the size I committed to, but making a smaller square in the middle that I can handle a little more easily. It actually frames each piece rather nicely.

I almost quit, too, but then some very caring members reminded me that this was about process, and that each person's creative efforts add to the project as a whole. (And that even as I beginner, I wasn't hopeless.) Stay in it with me. It's always hardest to do things around the holidays, so give yourself a reprieve until after then! Just take the "should" out of it until you can do it again, and then catch up. We can do it!

Kathy Wagner said...

I am with you! I am still working on my September piece. I wrote today that I am not giving up...I just need more time in my days and am still hopeful that I can catch up. Don't know when...don't know how...but I will just keep trying with a few beads every spare moment!
You have not failed...look at all you have accomplished already!

Grace said...

Hi Sammy... it's funny, I was just looking at your blog yesterday checking out your new look and stopped to look at the pages you already have completed and really admire your work. It can be overwhelming when you feel like you get behind. Now the holidays are here, everyone is more than likely busier - that doesn't help.

Have you considered using the same size of page and just not beading the entire square from corner to corner? It might be a good way for you to say what you want with your page without it being or feeling so labor intensive. There have been some spectacular pages that are not completely beaded.

I hope you don't throw in the towel just yet - your beading is so pretty and I look forward to each and every page.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

Take care

Hélène H said...

The others have said it all. Take a step at a time, and stay with us, Sammy :o)

beadnik said...

I think the other's are right. This whole thing isn't about concepts like success or failure (we get plenty of THAT in our day to day life in this culture), as much as growth and process. I'm planning to make my December piece WAY less bead intensive, just because of the myriad of other things that have to be done in Dec. I say, come along with us, we love ya!
cheers,
Sarah

Trilly said...

Sammy,

I can totally relate to the feeling of being overwhelmed as well and maybe that is part of this journey for you as well. Maybe this is trying to bring to light how much you are taking on, that maybe you are setting the bar so high you can no longer see it. It is your bar, you set it, so how about bring it down to about ankle height and simply step over it. That is the visual I use when I start coming down hard on myself and it works for me.

The suggestions above are great ways to lower that bar, and yet not lessen the experience or the value of what you are doing. We each set the size, the expectation, and our the judge. Why not look with compassion on yourself and possibly realize that we do set such high expectations on ourselves that we add to stress, instead of adding to the joy of the creating and expressing ourselves.

This is a journey we are all taking together and these feelings are coming up because we need to look at them. So maybe you can express this feeling of overwhelm in your next piece, let these feelings out on the fabric and through the beads. You can do it and you are not alone here. There is no race, no right or wrong, and you are where you need to be. Hang in there.

Trilly/Lisa D.

vivage said...

Just one bead makes the piece beaded. And one giant bead helps fill up a portion of a page.

I'm stuck too, but after the first couple of thoughts I realized it doesn't matter when I start or finish a piece. It's only in my own mind that there is a goal that I must meet.

It's pretty relieving to let go of your own expectations. Breathe and let go. :-)

Cindy said...

By no means are you the only one far behind. These past 2 months I have spent more time out of the country than in & I got absolutely no beading done. Picked up lots of things to use with my beading, now I just need to find the time to do it. Just take it one bead at a time & you will get there. This time of the year is very busy for everyone. There is always time to catch up when it is too cold to be outside! :)

sweetpea_path said...

Sammy, I don't think ANYONE in this project is more behind than I am :<}} My pages are small (only 4" X 6") but my biggest problem is that I'm an incredibly SLOW sewer, which I did not know of course, ahead of time, because I'd never sewn with beads before. I'll share with you the thoughts I hold onto since realizing this...they are that although the BJP has an end goal, it really does not matter if I even finish -- it has become all about the PROCESS. However much I get done is how much I get done. I want to ENJOY every moment of stitching & learning & playing with all these little beady treasures and not pressure myself with deadlines I may never meet (life does that to me already!) This beading has become a JOY in my life -- and I want it to remain that way, if possible. This decision is working for me -- there's no guilt, no "should"s, no beating myself up or thinking for one moment that I'm a failure. You aren't either!!!!! If I've only finished 3 pages by end of May next year, at least they will be 3 pages of a joyful enterprise within a large group of kindred souls.

Thank you for your post. It was so brave!

Christi, in WA state

Sacredartist said...

I would say keep the size of your page. Use the page as a frame for a smaller work of art. This way you have remained true to the start. Also add more fabric less beads. Decide how much time you are willing to spend on this project...2hrs a week? for example and see where you are by the end of the month. Stop where ever you are and begin the next month.
One time I just needed a break from all the beading on my barrettes so I made a fabric collage and beaded a little. This helped me get refueled for the Cheshire Cat.

madchiwawa said...

Sammy
I'm also one of those that is way behind. I've just finished September and have started October. Some months I bead the whole page and some only part. As many have already said it is the process not the end result. Enjoy as we go along and don't make it stressful else it will no longer be fun and relaxing (this too I have had to remind myself of)

Jenny

KV said...

Hang in there, Sammy -- the world won't stop turning if you don't get these pages done on time. Slow down and take a deep breath. I have every confidence you will find a way to make it all work out.

Kathy V in NM

(p.s. -- I wore your face pin yesterday!)

a2susan said...

You are not a failure!!! You are not!

You are not letting anyone down!

You do not need to beat yourself up.

Write a word on your fabric - such as "overwhelmed" and put a few beads on it and you'll have a great piece for this month.

Hugs, Susan

ACey said...

I think the suggestions to keep the same size but create smaller beaded areas within it are very smart and practical.

Am pretty sure we can all relate to the emotions you describe, if not within this project then within life in general! Feeling overwhelmed is probably the time when it's most important to practice self-kindness. You have not let anyone down - in fact it was quite courageous to bring this situation to light and allow us to help you through it ...

Julie said...

Julie says-remember this is suppose to be a fun project not a burden.Find a way to make it manageable for you so you can succeed. Thats what we all want for you and everyone else. Im also behind 1-1/2 months but after a bit I will get them done,I trust this. Just do your best. Julie C

Katie B said...

Sammy -- you are NOT alone.
I am behind too.
Stay strong and hang in there.
I am trying to maintain too !

Any Smith said...

I just finished September's page today!

Don't give up. If you look at any group of people, there will be people who finish things ahead of time, those who finish on time, and those of us for whom time is a liquid thing.

Just coming up with the ideas is an accomplishment.

freebird said...

Overwhelmed is how I was feeling today. I have a feeling a lot of people will feel like that at this time of year. I'll bet you have more than BJP work going, don't you? A lot of this group get a whole lot more done than I do; I have to remind myself that I have always been a slow worker and there is nothing wrong with that, it's just part of who I am. Relax and enjoy the holidays, bead when you can and enjoy what you have done so far. I'm just glad I am in such a group as this; finishing on time is just something to strive for not necessarily to achieve.